Fretless

My voice is quiet and weak
Noise that stutters and blurts
A clumsy tongue to speak
All my misshapen words

So just ignore that sound
Forgive what I have said
I have written it down
And it's better off read

But even words cannot suffice
Punctuation is to blame
The commas like to hide
Right behind your name

Your very scent derails
My weary train of thought
And though I mostly fail
It's not perfection that I sought


Photo by Josh Thomas @ http://www.flickr.com/photos/abracadaverr/

She clung onto sarcasm and laughed at the folks
Who obviously weren't in on the joke.
For ten years ago on a white snowy night
She awoke to the sound of the rest of her life.
A scream and a cry and a shatter of ice
Santa had left without a goodbye.
So she stayed under covers and hugged her glass prize
Slippers from dad, before all the noise.
The gifts captured dust and the mistletoe died
As air from the cold crept on inside.
The Easter bunny bailed and tooth fairy spent
All the silver dollars on discounted rent.
She sneered at the damsel and scoffed at the spells
Of princes and dragons in all fairy tales.
Impossible knights created by lies
For no one was good - none even tried.
So she donned a blue dress and fixed up her hair
With ribbons and jewels and curls and flair.
Her slippers of glass were three sizes too small
But she squeezed in both feet- toes and all.
Not one step too soon when they started to crack
And broke into pieces all over the grass.
She fell to her knees and panicked in fear
That her soul would fall next beside the glass here.
But the slivers were small and sliced up her flesh
And the blood flowed quickly - ruined her dress.
So she covered her face and wept through the night
That brought with it blizzards, wind gusts, and ice.
And when she opened her eyes at the first sign of light
Nothing was wrong; her dress was all white.

Photo by Josh Thomas @ http://www.flickr.com/photos/abracadaverr/

A Halloween haiku.

Little green turtle
Tried to cross the interstate-
Not quite quick enough.

Little split turtle
Laid on its back, belly up-
Beating but broken.

Little weak turtle
Wiggled its two legs in vain-
Safe in the shoulder.

Little mute turtle
Saw the crow glide overhead-
Would scream if it could.

Little sad turtle
Wished for water and lilies-
Mud, moss, and algae.

Little soft turtle
Slowly seeped into the grass-
Emptying its shell.

Little green turtle
Technically made it halfway-
Little half turtle.

kgeezy: Oooooooh! Did you just see that? I randomly threw that sticky! Haha.

TBone: That is the biggest load of crap I have ever seen.

ABOMB: Headshot!

Yodler: So lucky. You weren't even zoomed in.

ABOMB: Psshh, that was skill. Wait, stop lookin' at my sceen, bro!

TBone: That's why we need to be on different TV's. Freakin' screen cheater.

terminator t: Does the shotgun ever spawn? I thought it - awesome...

TBone: Haha! Yea it spawns in my hands! Hey philter, how 'bout you kill somebody?

philter: Shuttup. My sensitivity is messed up. Let me pause it real quick so I can fix it.

terminator t: You can't pause it. They'll kill u- come on!

TBone: That's right, baby! Killin' spree.


bnewt: Assassination! Baby boo!

TBone: What?! (in an extremely high pitch) How did you even know where I was?

bnewt: I didn't. You just suck!

philter: I cannot find a sniper to save my life...

Doubt slithers up your spine and salivates down your skull.
Its thick drool eats away your flesh like acidic sap.
You can't prove it exists, but it's there; sulking in the shadow.
Poking its head out for the briefest moment, all the while maintaining its taloned grip.
Its whispers spawn splinters that lodge between the eye and the intangible.
Expelled like membranous egg sacs, they incubate in uncertainty.
And when your will is soft and moist, they hatch.
Discharging their embryonic fluid, they scamper away from the light.
Their root-like tentacles search for a place to suckle, to drain, to weaken.
If ignored, each will grow to produce its own progeny.
An infestation with an alarmingly rapid development.
From thought to idea, from idea to doubt.
These cognitive pathogens have to be exterminated.
They are as real as they are impalpable, and they bleed out as quickly as they evolve.
Snuff 'em.



Photo by Josh Thomas @ http://www.flickr.com/photos/abracadaverr/

In my Religion 312 New Testament class, the professor very briefly touched on this verse...

Arguably, one of the most controversial Bible verses is Matthew 27:25. In this scene, the chief priests and elders have brought Jesus Christ before the governor, Pontius Pilate. With the help of the frenzied mob, the religious leaders accuse Jesus of blasphemy and demand that He be executed. Pilate tries to dissuade the people, but it is to no use. The governor then washes his hands and tells the mob that Jesus' death will be their responsibility. In verse 25, the mob chillingly replies, "Let his blood be on us and on our children!"

This verse has unfortunately been the root of many anti-Semitic sentiments through the years because it depicts the Jews as being directly responsible for Jesus' death. The topic is so touchy that the subtitles for verse 25 were removed from The Passion of the Christ, a film known for not pulling any punches.

What I started thinking was, "How ironic." But in a good way. In a jarringly, graceful way. 1 John 1:7 says, "...and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us all from sin." Ephesians 1:7 says, "In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace." In order for all mankind to have the ability to be redeemed, Jesus' blood had to flow - He chose to die. The blood of Jesus is a common symbol used to represent cleansing of our impurities.

So what I'm saying is, the mob and all who maliciously proclaimed, "Let his blood be on us and on our children" were inadvertently welcoming Jesus' forgiveness. They didn't become Christ followers at that moment, and I strongly doubt any had split-second epiphanies; but isn't it ironic? In a good way. In a perfectly, ordained way.

The beauty of it all is that the man's blood they were screaming for was ultimately meant for their own salvation. Their bad intentions were a result of their lack of understanding. Even while they dripped with hatred, Jesus was forgiving them - His blood was the agent for redemption. So I say, "Let His blood be on me."

That's all.

Books are old, outdated, obsolete, and simply incompatible with my music-playing, video-watching, picture-sharing, social-networking, web-surfing hand-held computer phone. And why do we still have public libraries? I can download every text ever written to my 120 terabyte flash drive key chain. I cannot even think of a good reason to go into one of those ancient book museums. The jaundiced pages reek of dust and mildew. And think of all the trees that were murdered to print those useless artifacts! My LED Touchscreen eBook Reader™ displays text in 1080p without harming a single part of the environment. Show me a paperback that trumps that! Speaking of "going green," most people today would advocate the idea of abolishing paper altogether. Our natural resources are dwindling rapidly, and the rate at which we waste paper is only catalyzing the situation. Deca-core™ i9 processor computers are already perfectly capable of permanently replacing pens, pencils (which also promote the butchering of trees), and paper. Think of the possibilities! No one would have to worry about monotonous handwriting or expensive ink cartridges ever again. Few people alive today even utilize cursive writing. It is like cooking with an old oven; what is the point if we have digital microwaves? With everyone typing at 100 words per minute, so much more could be accomplished.
In regards to the few radicals that oppose this movement, it cannot be stopped. In fact, it has already begun. It is now our civic duty to promote the advancement of technology and accessibility - all in the name of enhancing humankind.

Photo by Josh Thomas @ http://www.flickr.com/photos/abracadaverr/

Scream underwater. cry in your sleep. laugh at the pain... what's your release?
Ignore the infection with green paper hope. remember affection... how do you cope?
Slice magazines. promise an oath. clasp onto dreams... who fooled us both?
Hurl the blame with screams so terrible. call out her name... are you responsible?
Surrender the change for a dial tone. she breathlessly pled..."When you comin' home?"

"Soon"
"Can you come today?"
"Yeah. Yeah, I'll come today"

Fall from the pier into the sink. porcelain spiral... now why can't I blink?


(Inspired by the film Requiem for a Dream)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EUoVrQ9S8LE

If commitment is the cake (or pie), intimacy is like the icing (or whipped cream). If you eat icing by itself, though delicious and sweet, it will almost always make you sick later (Proverbs 25:16). It is most enjoyed when perfectly paired with its mate, the cake.
Intimacy is the reward of commitment.

I recently finished reading, I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris. I purchased it on a whim based mostly out of its curious title. I was pleasantly surprised by the amount of insight and teaching I found within its 208 pages. I felt obligated to share what God chose to highlight while reading this poignantly controversial book...


Too many relationships today are all icing. That's one of the main points made in I Kissed Dating Goodbye. They lack commitment and focus on intimacy, so the relationships often fail miserably or end prematurely. As a result, many people meander through life, one short-term relationship after the next. Commitment goes hand in hand with spiritual maturity and selflessness. Unfortunately, today's dating game lacks these virtues and has become a selfish and empty activity. Culture urges us to obey our hearts and indulge in one another. Toss commitment out the window, take what we desire, and then move on if the "passion" dwindles. This lifestyle is greedy, destructive, and sets the stage for unhappiness. The desires of our heart can be deceptive and confusing (Jeremiah 17:9), but God is all-knowing (1 John 3:20). And one of the most essential things He desires from us is purity.

Purity isn't a line to be crossed; it's a direction (2 Timothy 2:22). This truth socked me right in the eye. I've always been particularly proud of my level of self control - able to hover dangerously close to the "line" that I had drawn for myself, but never quite going past it. How mislead I was! Striving for purity isn't measured on a Richter scale; it's a daily attitude and lifestyle. What is considered unpure anyways? Premarital sex is a given (Hebrews 13:4, 1 Corinthians 7:2). But how about alternatives to sex? Groping? All awkwardness aside, a kiss could even cause us to stumble! What?! Intimacy awakens desires in our hearts that can be overwhelming for our weak body (Matthew 26:41). Any kind of intimacy (the icing) is truly reserved for and optimally enjoyed by a husband and wife (read any passage in Song of Songs). Something as seemingly innocent as a kiss can catalyze the mind into regions we never knew existed. Of course, everyone has varying degrees of self-control. You might be able to bestow a kiss and leave it at that. But why put yourself (and someone else) in a situation where temptation briefly takes on superhuman strength (Ephesians 4:27)? Why did I? Because we're broken people that think we're invincible; when actually we're in need of redemption. God promises that no matter the level of temptation, there is a safe passage through Him if we choose (1 Corinthians 10:13).

I have to constantly remind myself to focus on things that are pleasing to God (Psalm 19:14, Philippians 4:8). And at the rate my mind wanders, reminders are required about every 30 seconds... This sounds kind of extreme, but lust is every bit as extreme. Lust is devastatingly pervasive throughout our minds (especially guys'). Most of us would be appalled if someone discovered our murkiest, filthiest thoughts. The truth is, God sees it all. Jesus told the masses that lust is far more serious than it appears (Matthew 5:28). It is imperative that we recognize its power and gouge it out.

So the title, I Kissed Dating Goodbye, gives the impression that the author has completely given up on the idea of dating. And for the most part, that's a correct assessment. Dating has its flaws, but the truth is that we are far more flawed. We have made modern dating all about me. "How can I be pleased in this relationship? How will you reciprocate after I do something for you? I want you all for MYself." According to society, when boy meets girl and there is a mutual attraction, start dating. However, this trend completely neglects one of life's greatest blessings - friendship. Instead of viewing every girl/boy as a potential romantic partner, start viewing them as someone you can share God's love with. View them as a brother or sister in Christ. Earnestly seek God's will and all the rest will be given to you (Matthew 6:33). There are few things more attractive in my eyes than a woman who resonates with Christ's love.

Joshua Harris offers a new way of pursuing romance. Instead of diving right into a relationship with the first person that likes you back, take things slow. Pursue a deep level of friendship with all kinds of people. Replacing one-on-one "date" situations with parties and other group settings (you can sometimes learn more about someone by watching them interact with others). The point being, don't make relationship hunting a top priority. Pray that God would reveal someone to you in His perfect timing. After all, being single is not a lonely curse; it can serve as a blessing with the right attitude. Embrace singleness, and allow God to use you all the more.

After developing a dynamic friendship with someone you could see yourself with forever, pray for God's blessing and peace. Joshua Harris outlines the last stage of his approach to dating - courtship. This is a relationship with the obvious intent of marriage. Striving for purity still applies here. In fact, it is the most important time to stay pure because temptation will be peaking. During courtship, both man and woman are fully prepared for serious commitment. Not commitment like "I'll buy you a flower every month since we start dating." I'm talking about commitment when the man says, "I will win your heart, love, protect, and accept you with all your flaws." And the woman says, "I will give you my heart, love, support, and accept you and your flaws as well." But the ultimate level of commitment is when both adamantly agree to make God the absolute priority in their lives.

This book is in no way 100% correct about everything. And Joshua Harris definitely proposes a radical method of dating. Therefore I am still mulling over numerous topics. It was written by a man just like me, who struggles on a daily basis with sin. However, it is chock full of scripture and Biblical truth; it focuses more on how to seek God rather than act as a "Relationships for Dummies" manual. I found it to be quite encouraging, refreshing, and self reflexive. I would strongly recommend it to anyone, but especially to those hopeless romantics like myself....


Photos by Josh Thomas @ http://www.flickr.com/photos/abracadaverr/

There was a little girl,
Who had a little curl,
Right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good,
She was very good indeed,
But when she was bad she was horrid.

There Was A Little Girl
- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow


Now that she was grown,
A woman of her own,
She brushed that curl to the side.
When she was prim,
She was proper indeed,
But when she was bad she was scandalous.


Photo by Josh Thomas @ http://www.flickr.com/photos/abracadaverr/

My peripheral
Caught a glimpse of flesh and heels-
No doubt a creeper.

She crept while I stepped
Faster and faster due west-
Two rights, then a left.

She's still on my trail
Like a wolf tracking by smell-
But werewolves aren't real.

That is crazy talk
I'm a man, I like the dark-
And, yes, to speed walk.



Photo by Josh Thomas @ http://www.flickr.com/photos/abracadaverr/

Every time I leave, I have this feeling-
Hopefully.
Hopefully I make it home alive.
Hopefully I don't.
Just grin and bury it
Under years of practice at being content.
Because no one wants to know what you're really feeling,
Especially you.

When I arrive, I have a feeling that I'll be cured.
And all my outrageous expectations will be infinitely exceeded.
And the only thing I'll be feeling is loved.
Because love isn't a feeling.
God is love.
And when we love, He manifests himself in our life.
So while I'm arriving or leaving or getting lost in between,
I'll rejoice in the fact that my odometer still reads zero.


(1 John 4:16, Ecclesiastes 3:11)


Photo by Josh Thomas @ http://www.flickr.com/photos/abracadaverr/

Had plenty of time


Photo by Josh Thomas @ http://www.flickr.com/photos/abracadaverr/

I do not speak when I am alone
Lest I spoil the sweetness
I relish vacant homes and empty streets
Morning runs when the neighborhood is asleep
Hearing, smelling, and feeling textures
An exquisite dessert of chocolate and cream
Where spoons are optional but always discouraged
Worries cast aside like weekday junk mail
Fly off the balcony as printed paper airplanes
Nobody to impress, nothing to prove
Everyone to forget, all things to wonder
But sometimes you wonder alone by yourself
How much better alone would be
Alone with someone else.


Photo by Josh Thomas @ http://www.flickr.com/photos/abracadaverr/

Your mind

The one that became nocturnal not too long ago

Desperately wants to break this cycle

It lost its rhythm when the trees lost their eyes

When the dog stopped talking

After the stars became planes

And the sun was replaced by a clock

Mysteries turned to anomalies

When the castle became wood and ivy

And the swords started to rot

After superman walked out

And the tears left scars

When hope became an instinct

And love, a scientific theory

Your spirit was silenced

And your heart assigned a shape

So have faith like a child

And start dreaming awake

(Luke 18:17, 2 Corinthians 3:17)

I watched a National Geographic film in class this week that discussed stress, what it is meant for, and how it can negatively affect our lives (they also tried to tie in something about baboons). It got me thinking…

I stress on a daily basis. I stress like it’s my job. I tend to procrastinate on purpose to give myself an incentive to get work done. And I’m willing to bet that 99% of people, especially my fellow colleagues, could write a novel with their current stressors. While stress is a natural response our bodies have to trauma, we overuse it. High levels of stress have been shown to increase heart disease, decrease memory, cause weight gain, and weaken immunity. It’s a serious threat. So why do we stress so much, and what can be done about it? If I had to pinpoint my stress, it would have to be rooted in my fear of the future. I want to be successful, content, and where I’m meant to be. As a result, when I study for a Biochemistry test, I think long term – “If I don’t make above an 80, my final grade will be this, and then my GPA will be that, and then I’ll end up on sweeping hair at Great Clips for the rest of my life.” Ridiculous, right? Not everyone thinks the exact same, but we all have a desire to perform well, and the world praises or condemns us based upon that. Jesus talks to His disciples about worrying and stress. And even from the age of horse-drawn carriages to the 500 hp BMW M6 era, Jesus’ teachings are absolutely just as applicable. He was, in fact, wholly God. Jesus tells us not to worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself (Matthew 6:34). That means it is not our responsibility to worry. He also asks, “Who can add a single hour to his life by worrying? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?” (Luke 12:25-26) Pretty straightforward –stressing only consumes our time and we don’t have the ability to prolong our timeline, so why be anxious about life? Jesus tells us not to set our hearts toward earthly things, because that will only lead to obsession and stress. Instead, if one truly seeks God, everything we need (not what we think we need) will be given to us (Luke 12:31). And that’s a promise. We may not get the three-story house or the talk-while-buying-tickets-for-the-opera phone, but who are we trying to impress anyway? That stuff will break or burn down tomorrow, and it’s out of our control.

Scary to think that nothing is in our control. Wait, maybe it’s not that scary. Maybe that’s the key. If we don’t dictate what happens in our brief life, what is there to worry about? What is there to fear? David wrote, “Cast your cares to the Lord and He will sustain you” and “I sought the Lord…He delivered me from all my fears” (Psalm 55:22 and 34:4). So what if you don’t get accepted into medical school even though you tried your hardest; if you follow Jesus with all your heart and mind, He will provide and appoint. So what if your parents and peers are disappointed you didn’t get the big job; they can’t redeem your life and love you perfectly. Only Jesus can. We have complete free will, but God's will is always the best. Job (a man who knew a thing or two about stress) said, “I know that You can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted” (Job 42:2). If you don’t like the idea of not being in supreme control, that’s normal; we want to write our own destiny (many have done so, with empty results). To really become what God desires of us, complete submission is necessary. Submission is counter-culture, but Jesus says explicitly that the first shall be last, and the last shall be first (Matthew 20:11).

So take a deep breath, relax, and realize that when you do everything for the glory of God (1 Corinthians 10:31), He will provide. Work hard, study diligently, set goals; and do it all with eternity in mind. The peace that God provides exceeds all understanding (Philippians 4:7).

“Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.” (1 Peter 5:7)

"...The Lord is my helper, I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?" (Hebrews 13:6)

"But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." (Matthew 6:33)

The End.

I don't have any money,
But I would spend all my time on you
Until I was destitute.
We could waste time together,
Staying up late,
Painting your face.

I am just a man, completely incomplete.
I am just a boy, who doesn't want to sleep.

We could climb a snow-capped mountain,
We could write a play,
"Will you be my beloved?" I would pray.

Many things I am learning,
About passion when it's burning.
I know I can't satisfy you,
But I would never stop trying to.
I know we'd yell and fight and clinch our jaws in spite,
But before the sun would fade,
I'd want you all the same.

I am just a man, completely incomplete.
I am just a boy, who doesn't want to dream.
Can you blame me?

We could sail across the ocean,
We could make up a dance,
To the rhythm of your heart
Beating in my hands.

We could trek the Amazon,
We could write a song.
You would be the chorus,
And I would play it on and on and on.

1 May 1536 – Letter XVIII

My Dearest Anne,

I recently discovered that my love for you knows bounds.

Most every mountain is too high and river too deep.

Poetry is dull while French is hard to pronounce.

And I’d rather not slay a fire-breathing beast,

Or display my affection through song and dance.

The very thought of you bores me, to say the least.

For who has time to waste on dreary romance?

“No one” is the answer, neither queens nor their priests.

You had hopes of a knight, a courageous young prince,

Instead you got me, a despot without sympathy.

You thought we’d grow old; an heir was your chance,

But a king cannot rule when he’s already deceased.

Divorce was an option, and exile a choice,

I shrugged them away, no mercy or peace.

The only course of action is quick and pristine,

And you may just amuse me, by way of guillotine.

Sincerely,

Henry

When our enemies conspired to burn us at the stake,
You were unaccounted for.
When they arrived for a clash,
You ran and hid like a frightened mutt.
Slumped in the corner.
Spineless.
Satisfied.
Comfortable in your collar,
Your leash revealed the master.
Blindly obeying to appease politics’ pockets.
Saving face trumped saving principles,
Words leaked from your mouth like drool.
Your rabid eyes were always searching.
I wanted to drive you into the ground,
Instead I heaped coal on your head.
Never returning to that school of compromise,
I left you to decay in your kennel.
A kennel of brick and brimstone.

As he reached the top, the cheers fell to whispers.

The wooden planks creaked under his weight.

He gazed down at the pit’s blackness.

Still as ice.

Perfectly reflecting the moon.

Took three steps,

Doubted everything,

And jumped.

Dove headfirst into the lunar portal,

Half expecting to be transported to another dimension,

Into a world of adventure and absolution.

But the cold water sent his brain into overdrive,

Inducing a panic that clouded his sense of direction.

He looked up but was blinded by the crashing of wood, nails, and steel.

So he swam towards the moon.

Swam with all his might.

And just when he thought his lungs would fail, his eyes would fade,

His body would be consumed by the void,

A pair of hands grabbed him, yanked him out,

And embraced his brother.