Fretless

All my little friends who teach me the proper rules of soccer, share too much information, show me how to eat Fruit Gushers, remind me daily that lunch is at 12pm, say they "lub" me, wash their hands ten times an hour, and raise my patience to superhero levels.

There is a current in my veins
A tide that ebbs
Cycling the insane
Thought that is
Washing up on shore
Amidst the stormy dark
And unhinging a door
To my wooden heart






Photography by Joshua Thomas

"Friends are not primarily absorbed in each other. It is when we are doing things together that friendship springs up - painting, sailing ships, praying, philosophizing, fighting shoulder to shoulder. Friends look in the same direction."     - Clive Staples Lewis

With the arrival of a diploma in the mail, I know that a significant chapter of my life has passed. And it got my fantastically overdriven mind thinking. One of the most memorable aspects of undergraduate school were the friendships. With so many friends, class mates, and acquaintances, I had to register to an unnamed website that kept them all organized. How enriching it was to meet people for the first time and realize over and over that I am only a small speck in the human race. Even when I would think I had nothing in common with someone, we would discover a similarity - ultimate frisbee, nerdiness art, weight lifting, music, moral values, dreams, aspirations, sense of humor.

I found that coming to school with a group of friends put me in a minority. Most people I met started NC State not knowing a soul. Freshman and Sophomore year I lived with 6 previous friends, with one already being a friend of 7 years at the time. I felt little need to make new friends because I already had a posse; thankfully this mindset was drastically altered.

Although I befriended so many spectacular men and women, the unnamed site claims I have over 350 of them, and my phone's contact list takes 5 minutes to scroll through; I know this is a misrepresentation. Excluding relatives, I can count on both hands the true, inner-circle friends in my life. Like Dr. Lewis said, friends look in the same direction, fighting shoulder to shoulder. All too often, friends we thought would never leave our side, decide to. While they brandish the same smile, laugh, or magnetic force that brought you together; they are no longer. We know the level of friendship we once had can never be reattained. This is life. The constant flux. But through this churning and flowing of magma-like time, strong friends are made stronger. Inner-circle friends.

The small group of people I call friends don't need to be affirmed of the fact; they just know. Friends like these don't agree with me all the time; they hold me accountable and keep me in check. Friends like these don't require words to communicate. Friends like these enlighten me of food on my face. Friends like these don't waver, bend, and change when everyone else is. Friends like these sacrifice for me - jobs, comfort, and popularity - when no one else will. Friends like these live now with eternity in mind. Friends like these listen. Friends like these forgive daily. Friends like these will drop what they're doing and help change a flat. Friends like these do not abide by the law of reciprocation or obligation. These are my friends, and I am theirs.

That's all.

Photography by Joshua Thomas

I could practically taste the epinephrine in my mouth as I rolled over the hood of my car. As my hooded assailant switched his hips in pursuit I saw that his weapon was a little league slugger, glimmering under the parking deck lights.


As the bat missed my face and became lodged in the windshield, I made my decision. A wild left jab thrown on wobbly feet found its mark. I instantly knew at least one of my fingers was broken. With the hoodie now fallen, I saw that his upper lip was split in two fleshy pieces.


I barely dodged the back swing of the bat as he yanked it from the glass. Before he had time to change his momentum, I pounced forward and grabbed the bat's handle. With four hands now battling for position, I became aware of my considerable weight disadvantage. Before I had time to spread my feet, I found myself flung onto the pavement.


Without pause I sank my teeth into his ankle until the metallic taste of blood registered. I heard the sound of the bat hitting the ground, and a searing pain was ignited in my left shoulder blade.  Suddenly the side of my face was stomped into the asphalt. Still conscious, I grabbed his ankle, ensuring my fingers entered the holes I just created.  Pushing his leg away, he lost his balance and fell hard. Scrambling back to our feet, I managed to gain a position behind with my hands around his waist.  With all the primal strength I could muster, his body was lifted slightly off of the ground. With gravity now on my side, I diverted all downward force to his head and torso, like I was turning a giant wheel.  Even with his hands outstretched, I managed to drive the crown of his head into the pavement with a dull,wet thud.  I took a step back and prepared to continue attacking, but he seemed to be struggling to turn over.  I reached back and frantically removed the knife from my shoulder; it was a flat-head screwdriver.  My attacker was still attempting to move but repeatedly failed to bend his legs. 

I returned to my car, opened the door, brushed the glass from the driver seat, and got behind the wheel. My one-year old daughter gazed at me inquisitively from the back seat. Her expression acting as a one-way mirror. I flashed her a grin and then winced in pain. She laughed.


There is no greater love than to lay down one's life for one's friends..... John 15:13

I volunteered for a three week CIMT Camp (constraint induced movement therapy) at a pediatric therapy clinic. I want to pursue a career in physical therapy, and pediatrics is a very possible avenue. All fourteen kids, aged two to ten, were affected by hemiparesis. This neuromuscular disorder can occur from a stroke, traumatic brain injury, cerebral palsy, or muscular dystrophy. It results in a severe weakness in one side of the body.  Depending on the side of the brain affected, speech and cognition can be impaired. What makes this camp special was that each kid received a hard cast on their "good" arm, forcing them to use the weaker side.  The result was children with increased range of motion, strength, and confidence in their impaired limb.  During the 72 hours of camp, I witnessed kids overcoming low self-esteem, shyness, and the hindrances of their own bodies.

Fourteen "campers" may sound like small number (under normal conditions it would be), but it was extremely exhausting. Ideally, each child needed one-on-one attention. Lunch was especially chaotic. I have never had so much food on my hands and arms, not to mention lovely culinary designs on my pants and shirt. Multi-tasking was a necessity - close that door, grab a runaway, adjust her seat, take his head out of the ranch dressing, get him a drink and straw, guide his hand to his mouth, pick up that half-eaten banana, wipe her mouth, take him to the bathroom - all the while trying to encourage specific muscles with as little passive movement as possible.

What made this worth it? ...

Hugs from kids who cried at my presence only a week earlier. Seeing a 2-year old Christopher Robin pick up a fork and use it properly. Having a little girl eagerly ask me if I am going to play guitar and sing again.  Being asked multiple times which therapist I was married too (I was the only adult male in the clinic). Receiving nicknames such as "Philadelphia Philly", "Philgo", "Dr. Phil", "Pheel", and "Optimus Prime."  Making kids laugh for no apparent reason. Hearing knock knock jokes that make absolutely no sense, but are still hilarious. Being a human bean-bag during story time. Reading story books with ridiculous voices. Answering the question "why?" as creatively as I could. Being put on the spot by therapists. Putting therapists on the spot. Having parents come up to me I have never met and thank me.

I can only pray that one day I have the privilege of becoming a father.

As a self-professed musical enthusiast, I am constantly searching for new artists and genres. I believe music is one of the metaphysical miracles. It existed long before the universe was created, and similar to mathematics, no one knows why it exists. But of course we know why it exists. While instruments differ from culture to culture, the fundamental aspects of music remain constant. Music is a gift from God. Whether you listen, play, or do both; music is impossible not to enjoy. The best thing we can do with this amazing gift is to use to it to glorify the Gift-giver.

A SHORT list of SOME recent songs that have remained timeless in my 22 years of life thus far.

1. Samson - Regina Spektor... Even the first note of this piano ballad is amazing. The lyrics are cryptic, yet melancholy. Regina's voice is unlike any other.
2. Let That Be Enough - Switchfoot... This song really shows Jon Foreman's songwriting talent. It will stay with you.
3. A Short History of the Word - Fightstar... Equivalent to an epic movie. Sweeping strings and haunting piano lead to an explosion of orchestra and raw emotion.
4. Blackbird - Alter Bridge... Written for a friend who died of cancer, this 8 minute masterpiece includes a dual solo and some of the best male vocals in the business.
5. Too Late - M83... Purely electronic, but seems to pluck at so many emotional chords it's ridiculous.
6. Jesus Christ - Brand New... One of the most heartbreaking songs I've ever heard. Truly sorrowful.
7. Hello I'm In Delaware - City and Colour... Beautiful example of where simplicity can be amazingly complex. Dallas Green's voice is something you have to hear, even if he saves most of it for the end.
8. Human - Civil Twilight... An eccentric piano ballad with an even more eccentric voice. The lyrics are some of the most captivating I've heard in a while.
9. Oh My God - Jars of Clay... A roller coaster ride of a song. The last 3:30 leave you breathless.
10. Dance On Our Graves - The Paper Route... A song of wonder, death, and rejoicing. With a splendidly original finale.
11. True Love - Phil Wickham... What else is there to say about this? Amazing song of joy and truth.
12. Lost - Red... Symphony meet epic rock. Contains one of the best bridges I've heard. All around energizing and wonderful.
13. Times - Tenth Avenue North... Subtle yet powerful. Quiet yet resonant. Musical encouragement.
14. Writing on the Walls - Underoath... The pinnacle of hard rock. Amazing lyrics, guitar work, and vocals. The last minute is an experience.
15. After Afterall - William Fitzsimmons... Just listen to this heartbreaking, heartfelt love song.
16. Kings and Queens - 30 Seconds to Mars... Sure it's on the radio, but have you heard it? Jared Leto's vocals are soaring, and the chorus swallows you whole.

Photography by Joshua Thomas

Fingertips traced my veins -
Unfolded on the dash,
I lost all direction.

Crossing into lanes -
Unafraid to crash,
You claimed my devotion.

Staring through flames -
Your hair turned to ash,
And we burned with affection.


Photography by Joshua Thomas

At the touch of love, everyone becomes a poet.
-Plato

Love is a smoke made with the fume of sighs.
-William Shakespeare

Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
-H. L. Mencken

Love that is not madness is not love.
-Pedro Calderon de la Barca

To say "I love you" one must first be able to say the "I."
-Ayn Rand

Friendship often ends in love; but love in friendship - never.
-Charles Caleb Colton

Absence diminishes mediocre passions and increases great ones, as the wind extinguishes candles and fans fires.
-Francois de La Rochefoucauld

It is difficult to know at what moment love begins; it is less difficult to know that it has begun.
-Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

My lover is mine, and I am his.
-Song of Solomon 2:16

Photography by Joshua Thomas

I made the wrong mistakes
Hell bent on heaven sent
Over analyzed the fates
Of me and meant-to-be

And what was meant for me
Besides the beaten pride?
A lovely, winsome story
Told when I am old?

The answer I have found
Tends to make no sense
For the one who just slows down
Makes the right mistakes

Ecclesiastes 7:20

Photography by Joshua Thomas

A tribute to the refined beauty, that is, the lyrics of today's 
top 40.


Yeah

I see you girl
Dancin' on the flo'
Why you so hot
Like a volcano
Your lava's drippin'
Like there's no tomorrow
And I trippin'
'Cause I want some mo'
I see you girl
Headin' for the do'
Why you so chill
Like a Eskimo
But when your body's rockin'
I don't know
If I can handle that tempacho'

Like a lava lamp
Like a Lincoln Log™
Like a lava lamp (Eskimo)
  
Chorus
Why you runnin' girl?
Why you gonna hide?
How 'bout you get away from me?
Why you sprintin' girl?
Come on back inside
Please don't ever talk to me
I need you girl right beside my side
You're a problem officially


And my patience is wearing thin
'Cause your vocabulary's reached the end

You so fly girl
Imma go crazy
Like a daffodil
Or a rose or a daisy
Manicure, flowin' hur
All I do is stop and stir
I can't take my eyes away
Not even for a single day
Bass is pumpin'
I can't stop
Not even for my Corn Pops™
Need some mulk
To cool the flames
Lava from your love games

Chorus

I need you girl right beside my side

Artwork by Josh Thomas

Pack our bags at dawn
Toss them in the sea at noon -
We shall not return

A note on the door
Will declare our intentions -
No sense in pursuit

A house left unlocked
Nothing of value there now -
Just our possessions

Our destination
Has yet to be determined -
A wondrous method

Eyes locked and hands clasped
Finger on a spinning globe

Photo by Josh Thomas